It's so beautiful being here on Tomales Point, with the bay on one side of me and the ocean on the other. Directly in my view right now is the river that I drove along to get to Inverness... the river as it empties into Tomales Bay.June 2007 : Jesus Ruined My Life by Jim Gruenholz
Jesus ruined my life. It’s true. I used to be a respected, cynical, I-know-what-you’re-up-to kind of guy. I used to see through emotional manipulation - as I would squint through my own cigarette smoke – like I could see through the water that ran down my drain. *
What happened to me?
Not too long ago I watched the old movie “The Pride of the Yankees” starring Gary Cooper from, I don’t know, 1755 or something. It’s a baseball movie, the life of Lou Gehrig. Lou Gehrig, in the prime of his life, who was almost as famous as Babe Ruth, got, well, they didn’t know what – a disease. They called it “Lou Gehrig’s Disease.”
The most dramatic part of the movie is where Lou has to call it quits. They have a big “Lou Gehrig’s Day” at Yankee Stadium, and the place is packed. The fans cheer him wildly as he approaches the old-style round microphones on a grandstand out at second base. Everybody knows this disease will kill him soon. He talks about how great it was to be a Yankee all those years, and what a great wife and family he has. Then he says, and Gary Cooper looks just like Lou Gehrig so they keep cutting back and forth with live footage – Gary for the close-ups and Lou for the panoramic shots, “People say I’ve had a bad break. But today I can say that I am the luckiest man on the face of the earth.”
I cried. A lot. I’m fifty-six years old and I first saw the movie when I was seven, and I’ve seen the movie a hundred times since and I’m blowing snot bubbles and hoping no one will notice. And then the crowd goes into full-tilt adoration, appreciation, giving-him-glory applause. It goes on and on. I lose it. It makes me think of what worship might really be like in heaven. It makes want to believe in everything that is good and true. I go get a Kleenex. I have become a naïve, manipulatable, sucker and I don’t care. In fact, I like it.
The apostle Paul talks about getting bad breaks in Romans chapter five. He says not to worry about the bad breaks because they create perseverance which leads to proven character which gives us this naïve hope. Just when things look the blackest we have this hope. And Paul says our hope “will not disappoint.” In the King James it says our hope “will not make us ashamed,” meaning if we have faith, naïve trust, we will not feel like fools when it is all said and done. We won’t be suckers. Go ahead, tell me a story of a God who loves us so much he suffers and dies to bring us home, sacrificing all for the good of others; I’ll believe it. It’s too good not to be true.
See? Jesus ruined my life. There’s no turning back. I’m a sucker. There’s one born every minute.
*Bob Dylan, “Masters of War.”
March 30 , 2007 : Poem by Ruah Bull (friend of the Journey Center)
Reconciliation
Like an alabaster vase
Shattered upon the temple steps,
I lie before you,
Holy of Holies.
One fragment small and cup-shaped;
The priest reaches for it,
his fingers careful.
“It still can hold water”, he says.
Christ stands to the side,
holding a glass of water.
I bring Him the concave shard
and He fills it.
Alabaster glows with reflected, reflecting light.
Full of care, I carry this now-full fragment
to the altar,
my offering.
A stream in my own heart
begins to bubble up,
For the first time, in a long time,
I am not thirsty.
February 26 , 2007 : Lent Poem by Jim Gruenholz
I am waiting.
It is only dark.
Much has been promised.
I have nothing.
I am waiting.
I wait in darkness and in hope.
The hope is light, or perhaps the hope has light.
Light pursues me. Murmurs promises again.
Light soothes me. Dabs at my tears.
He who loved me waited in darkness.
From before the beginning he waited.
Waited in death. Waited in nothing.
The Black Sabbath, death, waited for him.
Death stalked, battered, jeered, triumphed,
Vomited victory over all the world.
Death did not wait, cared nothing for hope.
Spent all it had on one black Sabbath.
There can be no retreat.
Pot bound, can’t turn around.
Light lay in wait.
Love lay in hope.
Life waited while death exulted.
Then death was through, energy spent,
light waited again, just to be sure.
When hope was drained away.
When waiting was only nothing.
The light believed and lived.
All things new while the city is rubble.
All hope confirmed while despair claws at the door.
All waiting proved while the frantic motions of time
insist there is no time for waiting.
June 8, 2005 : By Joanna Quintrell
I went into the garden this morning to simply enjoy the rain- so welcome! as it cleanses the air of pollen and smog- I can breathe again!
I went into the garden this morning to simply enjoy the rain- and began immediately to pull the weeds I found there.
My hands covered with mud, my back beginning to ache... I realized eventually what I had done.
I forgot to simply enjoy the rain, and my focus on pulling the weeds, although productive, made me blind and deaf to the beauty around me.
Lord... the gentle rain of Your love and grace is always falling around me...
Teach me to open my eyes and ears, to simply receive and enjoy what You so generously give...
June 6, 2005 : By Joanna Quintrell (at the Tomales Point Elk Reserve)
It's so beautiful being here on Tomales Point, with the bay on one side of me and the ocean on the other. Directly in my view right now is the river that I drove along to get to Inverness... the river as it empties into Tomales Bay.
I love that river, God... I remember how I drove past cows and sheep, amidst the low and rolling hills, and all of a sudden there was a small stream to my right. I could barely see it and, hidden from my view altogether (and somewhere unknown)... is a spring that feeds that stream- that "births" it.
As I continued driving, the small stream grew wider and deeper, and soon it was a river... the river wound through the hilly canyon and I waited expectantly for that one turn in the road when the vista opens up in front of me... where the river flows into the bay.
It is across from that point that I sit now and, as I gaze at the river, something stirs deep in my heart.
Who I am and what I do is meant to flow from You, God- just as the stream and the river flow from the spring. Keep me centered in You... hold me in that place of connectedness to You!
April 11, 2005 : By Joanna Quintrell
I have to confess... I'm in love! I find myself just sitting and staring out the window, filled with joy... watching things grow in our little organic garden.
I've fallen in love with gardening!
It's a total blast to put tiny seeds and baby seedlings and dried up bulbs into the soil- and months later have beets and carrots and peas and onions and garlic and spinach and stunning bouquets of flowers!
And the best part is what happens to my heart in this process. Whenever I work in the garden, I'm surrounded by and filled with the love of God. I am reminded that He is the One who gives life... I plant and water, but He makes it all grow and blossom and bear fruit.
God is always giving, always loving.
"Your love is ever before me" (Psalm 26:3- and especially when I'm in our garden!
January 5, 2005: By Joanna Quintrell
It has been raining a lot lately, and when I hiked out at Point Reyes on Monday, there were beautiful little rivulets of water just streaming here, there and everywhere down the grassy hillsides.
That picture comes to mind today as I meditate on these words from the Psalms... "as the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You, O God."
I think gratefully about how abundantly You pour out Your love and grace and Spirit and power. I thirst for You, God - the living God! Enable me, please to be aware of You in each moment and to be open to receive all that You have for me.